An Episode of Weight-Loss Infidelity

Happy New Year! — as belated as this is.

The good news is, if I stay on top of things from here on out, I’ll still be able to make 164 by August 1, my original goal date. The bad news is, I won’t hit 196 by my birthday, and probably not by Feb. 11 … just not enough time left.

Yeah, I put on weight for Christmas.

I stopped tracking my intake. And I found it hard to start again. I lost some of it after Christmas morning, only to put it back on for the new year. Since New Year’s Eve, I’ve been hovering between 215 and 216.4. Three weeks ago, I was 13.8 pounds ahead of my original plan. As of Monday, I was only two pounds ahead. As of this morning, I’m 12.8 pounds over the monthly goal line.

Yesterday was the last straw: For reasons I can’t quite remember, I made a ham and cheese omelet sandwich. Seven hundred and ten calories, which I didn’t think about until I got around to logging my intake. When I finally crunched the numbers and saw the result, I said, “Okay, that’s enough! Get back to your program, Layne!” Sometimes, you just have to get mad at yourself to get over yourself.

Week 31 Progress Report: Loving Yourself Back to Health

So here, on time for once, are the week-ending numbers:

Starting Weight:	234.6
Original Target*:	246.8
Adjusted Target:	232.8
Actual Weight:	233.0
Loss/Gain:	– 1.6
Total Loss:	69.6
% of Goal:	50.2%
Avg. Loss/Wk.:	– 2.2
*Original target calculated from a starting weight of 302.6 lbs. and an average loss/wk. of 1.8 lbs.

As I reported yesterday, I suffered an inexplicable 2-lb. spike on Thursday which took the burnish off crossing the 50% mark on Wednesday. I lost most but not all of it on Friday and had a completely awesome dinner that night which cost me 0.4 lbs. on Saturday. Compared to the plan-month target line, I’m over by 1.5 lbs. However, considering the two upticks this week, I did pretty good and am still well ahead of where I originally planned to be. One and a half pounds down for the week is much better than a pound and a half up. Take the victories you get.

This morning, one of my Lose It! friends posted a quote from Ijeoma Oluo: “You can’t hate your body into a shape you will love.” (Ijeoma, you will remember, is the woman who lost weight only to come to resent the change in people’s attitude toward her.)

I agree you can’t hate your body into a shape you will love. But by the same token, you can’t wish away obesity’s damage to your health. Losing weight is not about hating your body. It’s about treating your body with the love and respect it deserves. (It’s about treating food with the respect it deserves, too.) My body has been trying to tell me for a long time, in ways both subtle and obvious, that it doesn’t like the way I treat it and that, if I go on abusing it, it will break down good and proper.

Weight Wackiness and Envy: Competition vs. Comparison

On Sept. 11, as I told you in the last post, my weight dipped below the 50% mark on my weight-loss plan — for the first time. Yes, you read that right. The next day, for some unfathomable reason, it shot up again a whole two pounds. I’ve said before that fluctuations like this can happen even when you do everything right. So, after screaming in my head about the unfairness of it, I shrugged and went on with my program. On Friday, it dropped back down 1.6 pounds, which was good even though it didn’t completely erase the jump up. Back a little across the halfway line.

The people on Lose It! cheer every little drop, no matter how small, and offer encouraging thoughts for holds and upticks. One friend, Marjorie, joked that she was “totally jealous” about the drop. When I said I didn’t know why she was jealous, she replied, “Because I get excited when I lose 0.5 lbs. in one day so to drop 1.6 lbs. is wishful thinking for me and totally awesome that you did!” (I have to think Marjorie is an age peer because of her use of ’80s lingo. When I’m not writing and with my friends, it all comes out: totally, fer sure, excellent, bogus, gnarly, “I’m like”, dude (regardless of sex or gender), etc. Totally for us is what literally is for young millennials — a clean all-purpose intensive.)

I reminded Marjorie, “If you lose [an average] 0.2 lbs. per day, you’re losing 1.4 lbs. a week. That’s a great, safe rate to drop. Again, I don’t know how much of the ± 1-lb. fluctuations I sometimes (SOMETIMES) get are scale wackiness and how much are body wackiness. Don’t envy me; you’re doing great!”

Wackiness … what a terrific word to describe the effect of imprecision on weight loss. It’s like playing blackjack: Even if you don’t cross the (objective) “bust” line, you still have to beat the dealer, whose hand is also variable. Nevertheless, there are winning strategies that don’t guarantee victory in every hand but can generally lead to leaving the table with more than you sat down with.

But in sensible weight loss, you’re not really competing against another person. The complete set of physical, emotional, and social or environmental challenges each person faces in weight loss is unique. Put differently, we all play against different dealers under house rules that vary slightly from table to table. That’s why, while group goals and challenges can be motivating and fun, you should never take them so seriously that you interpret someone else’s progress as an implicit reflection (and judgment) against you.

Fat-Shaming, Self-Loathing, and Demons

I had thought that today I’d share a recipe with you folks. However, Tuesday night, a friend shared a Facebook essay written two years ago on the subject of fat-shaming and weight loss. It’s a profoundly disturbing piece; while I agree with many if not most of the author’s observations, I cannot and do not agree with her conclusions. I’ve copied the essay into a .pdf file; assume that the essay is protected by copyright law and be careful how you use or re-publish it.

Ijeoma’s Story

The writer, Ijeoma Oluo, tells us she decided to lose weight after a boyfriend sexually assaulted her. This wasn’t her first assault experience; she had been sexually abused as a child and had already left an abusive husband. “And when I tried to figure out why — why someone who so many people had repeatedly said had so much going for her would be hurt so often, I settled on my weight. I decided that as long as I was fat, nobody who wasn’t abusive was going to want to be with me. … So much cultural messaging says that if you are fat, you should be grateful for whatever love you can get — even if that love isn’t love at all.”